Megawhine (#15)

I have never flown with an ultra low cost carrier, but Kayak informed me that the cheapest way to get from Athens to London* is on Ryanair, so I booked a seat on one of its flights. Whilst doing so, I was informed that the fee for carry-on luggage is USD 7.50 (yes, those F**KING US dollars again). If I want to check baggage, Ryanair has 36 different checked baggage fees so I don’t have any idea what it will cost, other than a generic F**KLOAD of money (so I decided that I am going to travel very lightly, especially since Ryanair’s carry-on baggage allowance is below industry standard**). If my carry-on bag exceeds the maximum dimensions/weight allowable, that will cost me another £50. If I forget to check in online because my brain has gone groggy from over-gorging in Greece, I will be charged £50. If I fail to print my boarding pass before going to the airport, or if I lose it enroute, I will be required to pay a Boarding Card Reissue Fee (£60)***. And heaven help me if I didn’t spell my name correctly when I booked the flight, or if I decide to change my moniker between now and September 14: that will set me back £160 at the airport, or £115 if I do it online (aacckk!—I really hope I don’t get fined for failing to have added my middle name to the booking, since it appears on my passport; apparently oversights like booking as “Rob” instead of “Robert” will bring down the wrath of Ryanair upon one's wallet). Oh, and if the plane is delayed for hours on end on the tarmac and I’m dying of thirst, I’ll have to pay dearly to quench that too. 

I wonder if there's a charge for using the bathroom on the plane? And if there's turbulence, do the flight attendants sell barf bags?

* Kayak previously informed me that it would be cheaper to fly from Athens to any number of cities in Europe, and from there to Toronto, than to purchase a Toronto-Athens round-trip ticket. So hey, despite my whining about the cost of this voyage, I decided to take advantage of the chance to spend some time in London. Of course--and despite the fact that economics was the only subject that I came close to failing in school--I do realize that the accommodation/food costs there will wipe out any savings in terms of the flight costs, but hey, would you give up what amounts to a “free” trip to London? (Although I am now seriously wondering whether my $200 Ryanair flight is going to end up costing more than my Toronto-Athens and London-Toronto flights combined.)

** And even if one’s hand baggage does meet the size requirements, the extortionist Ryanair staff might still charge for  oversized carry-on if they think you're trying to game the system by using squishable luggage (https://www.tripsavvy.com/ryanair-baggage-allowance-4134912).

*** They can also charge this fee if one’s printed boarding pass is deemed not up to snuff, for reasons such as:

·        Print-out is of bad quality
·        Page is damaged
·        Part of the page is missing. One must print everything, including the advertisement.

Whining (#14)

I recently watched Who Killed the Electric Car?, which reinforced my feelings of powerlessness in the face of Big Oil's and Big Automotive's power. And Big Consumer's: as one interviewee noted, many North Americans dislike the idea of energy efficiency because to them it means driving small cars and living in cold houses, i.e. adopting a European lifestyle. And who wants that? Next thing you know those environmental commie extremists will be asking us to drink wine with every meal and to adopt a more laissez-faire attitude towards sex. 

Whining (#13)

Where will I buy new underwear, now that Sears has become extinct?

Whining (#12)

I know it seems a bit much to be whining about my upcoming trip to Greece, but the substantial balance for the ridiculously expensive workshop I’ll be attending is due next week, and it has to be paid in USD. Every time Trump says mean things about Canadians, our dollar drops against the USD. Every time the World Cup rolls around, our dollar drops against the USD. Every time a butterfly flaps its wings in the Amazon rainforest, our dollar drops against the USD. Monopoly money is probably trading for more than Canadian currency at this point. 

Whining (#11)

It took two years, but I finally have drawings for my planned basement renovation, a pile of estimates, and a contractor lined up to start the work later this year. And then yesterday Fuckhead Ford pulled the plug on the Green Ontario program. This means the approximately $7000 in budgeted rebates for new windows, insulation, and a ductless multiport air source heat pump has gone up in coal smoke. 

Whining (#10)

My to do list overfloweth. Constantly. I guess that’s the nature of to do lists, but I find it anxiety provoking. And why is my to do list—currently at 23 items—so much longer than my to-do-before-I-die list (currently at 4 items… no, wait, I just added a fifth one: complete to do list)? I feel like my priorities are ass-backwards.

Whining (actual #9)

What kind of piss-poor advice is it to tell people to live like there’s no tomorrow? Unless there actually is no tomorrow, I’m sure I’d regret it for the rest of my tomorrows if I told everyone exactly what I thought of them, ran naked down Princess Street announcing to the world that I’m Princess Leia and I’m looking for my no-good Jedi of a husband, treated all my friends to the most expensive spa-and-champagne day ever, and sold my house and cashed in my RRSPs to make a bunch of long-distance calls* and put a down payment on the next SpaceX flight**. 

* I no longer have a long-distance plan since I Skype instead. 

** I know this makes no earthly sense, but if there’s no tomorrow I’m jettisoning logic and practicality. 

Really petty whining (#9)

I have nothing, NOTHING, of consequence to say... except I was too lazy and disorganized to put out my garbage AND my recycling last night and missed BOTH pickups this morning, which means I will be surrounded by detritus for at least another week.

Whining and hostility (#7)

Fuck you, Trump.

Signed, Justin and Helen

Whining (#6): 60% of Ontario's pity party

Hopefully Ford will keep one of his campaign promises: to lower the price of beer to $1* (plus bottle deposit). I feel like I'm going to need a lot of alcohol to get though the next four years.

*Which means that the Dollar Store can start stocking beer... alongside the marijuana.

Whining (#5): Helen's pity party

I have lived such a small life. Is it too late to run away and join the circus? Perhaps I need to crash Puddles’ next pity party and ask him to give me some pointers on how to be a sad clown (and singing lessons). 

Whining (#4)

I don't have a thing to wear.

Whining (#3)

I am appalled, APPALLED, by some of the language being tossed out of the verbal gutter by certain members of our blogging community lately. I mean, what the fuck: is it really fucking necessary to use phrases like “fuck this shit” when “frig this feces” would do perfectly well instead?

Whining (#2)

I want to complain about this month’s word limit. Why isn’t it 0-1,000,000? I have a million things to whine about today and could have listed them all here, if only the word limit weren't so preposterously restrictive.

Whining (#1)

There’s too much whining amongst do-gooders about the bad boy of plagiarism. If someone has written something that perfectly captures my sentiments, why should I attempt an insincere imitation that flatters nobody, least of all me? So, please go here to read my post for today.